Teaching Our Kids How To Do What We Won’t

 

Parenting is a serious task.  As parents, we are charged with the task of raising our children to be good citizens.  Parents feel as if they have done a great job when their child graduates from high school, buys their first home, gets their first job, and has children of their own.  Our goal as parents is to have healthy, happy, law abiding children. 

Along the way, we also train our children to follow basic practices, skills and routines.  I have to ask myself why we do this.  We train our children to be adults yet these great behaviors are shunned by most of society.  Breaking the rules is pretty much accepted. 

Below are the top things we teach our children that we don’t do ourselves.

 

1)      “Take A Nap”

Daycares , preschools, and homes all over the country swear by a mid day nap.  If you have seen a child by noon who has not taken a nap, you have seen them transform into a creature.  Numerous conversations are held based on funny stories of someone’s child being sleepy and acting delirious.  We know that this nap is necessary to clear the brain and the body to prepare for the rest of the day.  The adult workday is based on an eight hour shift and definitely does not include a nap.  It is ironic that we can fully understand the importance of a nap yet totally ignore taking one in order to finish our work.  Adults are no different than children when it comes to transformation when the body is exhausted.  And unlike most children, we are always off to a bad start because we did not get the proper amount of sleep the night before.  There are many parents in the workforce.  Why would a parent schedule a 3pm meeting? By 3pm, most of the staff would be 6 or 7 hours into their day.  They have eaten 2 meals by this time and have not taken a nap.  Wouldn’t this mean that you are having a meeting with a room full of delirious people?  Yet, major decisions are made, discussed, and carried out in afternoon meetings all over the world.  We wonder why 5pm traffic is so hectic.  There are numerous pileups and wrecks during this time.  It does not take a brain surgeon to figure out that the majority of these people have not had a nap.  Basically you have a bunch of crazy people driving around the city.  They are sleepy as well as irritated from that 3pm meeting that was held. 

 

2)      ‘Share”

Having 3 children, this is a command that is used quite often around my home.  I cannot imagine buying 3 of every item as opposed to teaching my children to share their toys.  I smile everytime my children hand over a toy or offer up an alternate so everyone can play together.  This is not just common practice amongst siblings.  We teach our children to share with their friends, fellow students, and even children they do not know if they are in a public place.  At about 10 years old, we start to alter our teaching and move from sharing to selective sharing.  Selective sharing follows the philosophy of share with the worthy.  By this age, we have identified the children who are destructive.  It is like we have a blacklist on the wall with the names of the children who are not allowed to play with the toys or electronics.  This is also the time that we teach monitored sharing.  When our kids do offer up something for another child to play with, they cannot play comfortably as we have them keeping a steady eye on the toy.  They have to police the toy because they know they will hear an hour lecture titled “Why You Are Not Getting Anymore Toys.”  This last for a few years and then we throw them into shock.  We abruptly stop all sharing.  There is no clothes borrowing, no swapping of video games and definitely no exchange of vehicles or cell phones.  We rant and rave when the neighbor’s daughter swaps shirts with our child.  ‘She shops at Simply Fashion but I got you that shirt from Macy’s.”  We don’t take into consideration the fact that they are going to have to adjust from years of training in order to stop sharing.  And yes, the training came from us.  The behavior we once smiled at is now frowned upon.  Certainly as adults we throw sharing out of the window.  If you don’t believe me, just ask the tea party to perform a reenactment of their performance when the healthcare bill was signed.  We have gone so far as to legalize excuses so we are not held responsible for not sharing.  We definitely tell people that they cannot use our car.  Not because we don’t want them too, but because they don’t have insurance.  Whew! Thank goodness for scapegoats!  We laugh at so many jokes about our neighbors borrowing something that they would rather risk their lives going to the 24 hr Wal-Mart after dark instead of asking for a cup of sugar.  Actually we have just stopped knowing the neighbors to avoid the sharing issue all together.

 

3)      “Eat Your Vegetables”

My children do a great job of eating their meats, fruits, vegetables, and carbs.  We direct their eating patterns from an early age.  Breast Milk and Formula are blended with just the right balance to ensure that our children are eating as healthy as possible.  After the nursing stage, our children move to baby food.  These are small jars or containers of foods containing little to no additives.  Even if a parent decides to cook their child’s food in the early years instead of using baby food, they cook their vegetables separately, adding little to no seasoning.  Some people actually go organic or grow their own vegetables to ensure the highest of quality.  By age 18, we have been exposed to the food chart more times than you can imagine.  Yet, we still don’t get it.  We feed our children baby food as we are chowing down on a fast food burger.  We fix their plates with equal portions of food but pile our plate with carbs.  We have even made it okay for companies to package our food with ingredients we cannot pronounce or explain.  Every day, we end up eating more unknown ingredients than actual food. 

 

4)      ‘Sit Down and Listen”

No parent wants the dreaded phone call or letter pinned to the chest advising that their child has not listened to the teacher during the day.  We know that punishments are soon to follow as not listening to authority will not be tolerated.  The child has no choice over who their teacher is, yet they are taught to respect the position.  As adults, we defy this rule any chance we get.  We look for faults and flaws in our bosses so we can convince ourselves that we know more than them.  Unlike our children’s teachers, we get a choice in who becomes President, yet when our candidate doesn’t win, we disrespect them and find every reason we can not to follow their leadership.  We get kicked out of basketball games, baseball games, and off of soccer and football fields because the coach hasn’t got a clue about how to train the team.  If the coach had a clue, our child would be playing the entire game.  We run our months on a regular basis in order to justify why we should not pay attention.  Even while we are telling our children to listen, we are on the cell phone telling our best friend how our boss is an idiot and how Obama is clueless.  The worst example of this is when our kids are trying to tell us something.  They scream for our attention by acting out or holding things in.  Often times, we find out to late that we should have shut up and listened to their cry for help. 

 

5)      “Don’t tell lies”

Uhhhhh let’s just say that one is self explanatory.  Well let me clarify just a little.  As adults, we separate and categorize lies.  We rate them and decide which ones are worse.  It is not okay to tell me you were at your friend’s house when you were at a party but it is okay for me to tiptoe around the house when the Jehovah’s Witnesses knock at the door.  It is not okay for you to knock over the vase and say you didn’t do it but it is okay for me to tell my boss I can’t come to work today because I am sick.  However, I feel just fine. 

 

No wonder our kids are confused!

More times than I can count, I have heard someone preaching about television and the impact it has on our children.  For those of us over 30 years old, it is easy to compare the difference in programming when we were growing up and the shows of today.  Yes, I have also been a willing participant in this conversation many times, pointing out how “Baywatch” was shocking because of the swimsuits.  Now, prancing around in little to no clothes seems to be the norm.  However, when discussed, no one ever seems to humble themselves and discuss how television has impacted them and their perceptions of the world.  Is there a certain age when we stop being influenced by what we see, here, read, and are exposed to? 

There are times when people are accused of being racist or stereotyping when that is not the case.  I don’t care how “non racist” you profess yourself to be, we all have perceptions of other races imbedded into our minds from their portrayal on television.  Especially races that we have no interaction with except for on television. 

As always, I keep things real and make sure I call myself out before calling out everyone else.  I have to be honest, I have not been around a lot of Italian or Italian American people.  However, I sure have seen plenty of television shows and movies that were attempting to portray their lifestyle.  At one point, if someone said Italian, I immediately thought of the Mafia and The Sopranos.  I pictured a heavy set smiling friendly grandmother in a kitchen somewhere cooking a big of sauce for some home made pasta.  Now I know this is based on what I have seen, not the experiences of all Italian people.  But I know if I was invited to someone’s house right now for dinner, I would assume we were having pasta.  Hey, I am not being racist, I am just telling the truth.  So I need to not let television babysit me and teach me about Italian folks.  I am fortunate because at least I admit it.  I have spent my adult life around people who have allowed what they have seen on television to cause them to incorrectly assume behavior, outcome, and attitude. 

So this one is for all of you out there who know us Black folks from the media and the nightly news.  I am going to give you the top three assumptions you are consciously, or maybe subconsciously making that needs to be immediately corrected.

 

1)      An Angry Black Person Is Not Going To Lead To A Fight

I remember the first time I got upset in a meeting at a former job.  However, I had sat through countless meetings with one or more of my colleagues slamming a notebook, banging a table, even cursing.  I had put a project into production and the implementation of another project overrode my changes and caused customer impact.  The programmer was sitting there as if he had not done anything wrong so I looked at him and said “I would appreciate it if you stopped acting like you have lost your freakin hearing and help me work on a problem. This makes no sense.”  And I am not cleaning that up, I actually said “freakin.”  You should have seen the reaction.  I was told to calm down and take a deep breath.  One person even got up as if they were going to have to pull me off of the guy.  At this point, I forgot all about the issue.  My manager told me to go to my desk and we would talk about it when everyone had a chance to relax and come back to the table.  My mouth was pretty much dragging the floor.  My words and actions had been severely inflated although they were minimal compared to what I had seen in similar situations.  This really bothered me.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or get angry.  Well I knew I didn’t need to really become angry, someone may have called the SWAT team.  This was the day that I learned that Black people can’t act the same way on their job as the White folks.  I was in corporate America so I played the game.  I can’t complain about them because I didn’t force them to keep me working there.  I learned that I always had to watch my tone because of my size, my height and my hair.  At the time, I had locs in my hair so I know that didn’t help.  I have to chuckle at it now.  I bet I scared some of those white folks to death.  Standing there leading a meeting 6 feet tall with a heavy build and locs.  I know it couldn’t be my voice.  I still get asked if the lady of the house is home because my voice is so light and soft.  I found myself consciously choosing my words and over compensating on my tone in order not to “scare” other members of our team.    

 

2)      All Black Women Don’t Roll Their Neck and Their Eyes

Now this one has reared its ugly head throughout the years.  Television has replaced Thelma Evans and her neck rolling with the Black female reality show stars of today.  If you want to become famous, please just roll your eyes, have a bad weave, and talk with numerous grammatical errors.  These images don’t bother me because I know they are just that, images.  What does bother me is when this image is presented to be my someone who has taken this as the mannerisms of all Black women.  It has happened to me on many occasions.  A lot of us are used to being in the minority at work but when we go out, we surround ourselves by those of the same color or at least the same interest.  Over the years, I have had to take many trips out of town with my coworkers and colleagues which found me in the minority for the majority of the day.  I also have friends in all shades, sizes and economic backgrounds so my partying has many times been while I was in the minority of the group.  Actually, now that I think about it, I probably have been the only Black person in most of the social settings.  And let me tell you it NEVER fails.  Before the end of the night, someone who has been drinking and decides to get really comfortable and let their guard down is going to come up to me and perform a conversation with their best “Black Girl Impression.”  Impressions are supposed to impress and I can assure you I haven’t found one yet that makes me stand up and cheer.  Whenever it happens, it is always the same routine: one or two grammatically incorrect sentences, an exaggerated neck roll, and the finger snap grand finale.  This is now to the point of being asinine.  I am talking about well educated, professional people.  I have learned by this point to just smile and laugh.  And I always make sure I say “I don’t talk like that.” 

 

3)       Most Clubs and Events Attended By Blacks  End Without Incidence

While working in the corporate arena, I was frequently invited to hang out at local night spots.  I am always down for a good party so I always try to attend.  I enjoy all genres of music so I have a great time wherever I go.  When I worked in Greensboro, I went with a few coworkers to a bar not too far from where we worked.  Every Tuesday night they had 2 guys performing live music for entertainment.  They had a bass guitar and a regular guitar and played great songs and requests all night.  The first time I went, the doorman felt the need to tell me the type of music that was being played.  I still laugh at that because he couldn’t describe the music so he called out a few artists names.  Now if I didn’t know the artists, I still would not have known what they were playing.  I just played dumb and looked at him as if I didn’t recognize Mellencamp, Springstein and Petty.  The guys were incredible.  After a few drinks, I decided to make a request.  A silence fell over the room as if I was about to ask them to play Tupac.  You could see the anticipation on the faces of the patrons anxiously awaiting the song.  They happily announced “this one is for Angie” and began playing “Wonderful Tonight” by Clapton.  Now I was very comfortable in this and any environment.  However, when I have asked my coworkers to come out with to a party spot or bar that has majority Black clientele, somehow the conversation digresses to nightclub shootings and violence.  The extremely rare occasions that a few of my coworkers have taken me up on my offer, they had a ball!  They were actually and happily surrounded by the people, not the portrayals.  To the right, a guy with a masters degree with locs! To the left, a girl who lives in the “hood” with short nails and no gold teeth. To the front, someone steps on someone else’s toes and the confrontation ends with an “excuse me.” To the back, brothers are standing in suits, not sagging pants and work boots.  It is always as if a curtain has been opened on Let’s Make A Deal. 

I am never mad at people because of this.  It takes exposure in order to educate yourself about other people and their culture.  It takes knowing enough of the people that are being portrayed to know that the portrayal may be applicable to some, but definitely not to all of a specific race.  Most times, once diverse friendships are made, people find out that they have a lot more in common with people than they originally thought.  Yes race means difference.  The way we have seen the world and the way the world has treated us is always different.  But different can be good.  And you have to have a sense of humor as well.  I can definitely take a good joke.  I do enjoy a respectful comfortable atmosphere with people so I can let my hair down and tell a good story or two.  You just have to know that everything doesn’t apply to everybody. 

 

I saw something this week which prompted me to write this entry, a big dude (any cat whose dimensions are six feet or better and two hundred plus lbs.) get his own ass handed to him to eat, prepared and served up by the B.O.A (Bouncers of America).  It jumped off so quick that I could not ascertain why the altercation occurred but one thing was for certain, the bouncers were making it known that if anything were to jump off they were going to be the ones doing the pushing, with impunity!  

First a confession, I've been suspect height and weight since 10th grade 1986 so I know how it goes, the politics of being a big dude.  If anyone has ever not known your name and referred to you as "big man" then I'm talking to you, there are some things that you need to know before you go out partying in these night clubs that could save your life.  In twenty plus years of partying and now dj'ing I've seen plenty of critical beat downs handed down by the strong arm of the night club law enforcement.  Biggie had his 10 Crack Commandments, I'm going to hand down 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, 9 Its Da Big Man Commandments that you can follow so that you won't get stomped into ketchup on your next club outing w/ ya boys or ya girl.  

1. Rule Numero Uno, THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN TO BABY, NOWHERE TO HIDE

The moment the first bouncer laid eyes on you, you were a marked man.  Let's face it, when you suspect height and weight the one thing you can't be is inconspicuous, even if you wear all black.  Nice try, doesn't work.  Those little ear thingies in the bouncer's ears are not for listening to their ipods, it is strictly a means to achieving the maximum advantage BEFORE da jump off, think of it as a wireless megaphone that only screams one message when "something" transpires in the club LET'S GET HIM!    Bouncers don't get paid that much to keep the peace, so whoopin a little arse is like a bonus, where else can u whoop somebody's ass good fashion and not go to jail, hell I've seen the po po take a bamma to jail and his only crime was getting his ass molly whopped, now that's crime!  The bouncers make a mental note of EVERY big dude that comes in the club b/c u r the one that may make them earn their money tonight if u try to get live all up in the club.  Of course, they are not trying to work that hard so if u do get outta hand they are going to greet you en masse to crash test dummy you.  They will keep a keen eye on you ALL NIGHT LONG like the Mary Jane Girls, remember Bugz Bunny, "U ever have the feeling that u were being watched?"  Well u should be feeling like Tupac, ALL EYEZ ON ME b/c they are chatting u up as u pay your money talking bout "Yep, that's him right there, in the loud yellow shirt (BIG MAN, NEVER WEAR LOUD COLORS TO THE CLUB, U'LL B TOO EASY TO FIND!), if he even act like he want it, we gonna give him the buffet!"

2. AVOID ALL CONFRONTATIONS

You don't want to get caught up in a bouncer intervention by mistaken association.  If you see a situation forming in your vicinity, go to the opposite section of the club because going back to rule number one, they are WAITING on u to act up so they can chasten u w/ the rod of correction w/ a beat down of biblical proportion.  It doesn't cost you anything to observe them serving some one an ass whuppin delight, but can cost you dearly if you are caught up in the confusion of somebody else's club issues.  So again what have we learned today children?  If a fight bout to jump off in the east of the club, go to the west, if it is in the north side, go to the south.  Cause if you find yourself in the vicinity of a scuffle, trust me, you'll be lumped in by BIG MAN association, cause as big as u r the bouncers see u as an opportunity to exercise all the new choke holds and take downs they have learned this week on a live specimen.  Remember these are professionals trained in the art of submission, choke holds, collar and arm bars, choke slams, and the classic art of Da BUM'S RUSH!  YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!  

3. BOUNCERS DO NOT FORGIVE OR FORGET
The bouncer world is a small one, Big Man, haven't u ever wondered why u see the same bouncers week end and week out at most of the clubs you attend?  If u EVER have a problem at a club you should probably not ever go there for at least a year or two because the bouncers WILL NOT forget u, please believe that.  They might let u come in, prolly not, normally DOOR MAN! will shut u down like dude from Knocked Up before u can even pull your money or your id out.  I have a cousin right now that damn near can't go in any club in Raleigh b/c all the bouncers know him as a rah rah poppa and they simply ain't having it, so when u know a dude a problem why invite that in the club?  Unless u just want to tune him up again, and sometimes DOOR MAN! will do just that, he know u gone act up and he let u in and alert the troops that u r officially Clublic Enemy #1

4. RESISTING A CITIZEN'S ARREST
If the bouncers ask you to leave the club I have one piece of advice, LEAVE THE CLUB!  They are kinda like your daddy, they gonna ask u nice maybe once, if they have to tell u again they gonna put they hands on u.  If they put they hands on u and u show ANY resistance they will not cease or desist in using extreme brute force to uproot out of the establishment.  Once they put their hands on u they will not stop until u are out the door.  Wonder why?  Here's a little known fact that most Rah Rahs are not privy to.  The owner has told the bouncers to place all problem children on the street b/c once they are out of his establishment they become the problem of the city police who are normally out there waiting for you.   So once they citizen's arrest you and remove you from the establishment AT ALL COST!, you will get your screws tightened and immediately be escorted to jail w/ a laundry list of charges like disorderly conduct, public intoxication, disturbing the peace, AND dumbassedness!  Take the path of least resistance, if you find yourself in a conversation w/ a bouncer remember back to being in school talking to the vice principal, did he ever have a good conversation for u?  Ah, that one's rhetorical.  When he come over to talk to u about u acting up, just go ahead and gather your troops and leave.  Its like fighting the cops, u can't beat the radio homie, u are highly outnumbered.

5. MY BOYS GOT MY BACK
Your boys might have your back but it is your front and your flanks that the bouncers will be stealing off on.  U ever notice how the bouncers ALWAYS attack in concert.  You act a fool and you gonna get Kool & Da Ganged up on, without question.  So u got your boys w/ u in the club, this can be good and bad, we'll just cover the bad ones.  1. God forbid u the biggest in the bunch, if a tussle ensues w/ your people whom do u think will get the undivided attention of THE MEN IN BLACK?  Again, rhetorical.  2. As I've told u, u've already been identified as a potential speed knot recipient so when your people break fool, they gonna key in on u like a hungry lion chasing a limping baby gazelle, they r not going to let u get away.  So now what was a fair one has turned to all the kings horses and all the kings men trying to beat u down again and again.  Yeah in the car your boys will be talking cash about how they handled the bouncers but you will be quiet as a church mouse b/c your mouth is sittin on swole along w/ the rest of your body parts b/c you were turned into a deep mud puddle that was stomped dry.

6. OUTSTANDING, BOY U GOT KNOCKED OUT (as sung to the tune of The Gap Band's Outstanding)
Before you start a jump off in the club w/ the hired hands, u know the cats in black that have white or neon words that read ENFORCEMENT or SECURITY do u really want these people responsible for your welfare after they knock u out.  You will be laid out in the club ALONE b/c they have forced ANYONE who cares enough about u to attempt to get u out the club to leave.  So now the people who just showed u what your liver tastes like are now asked by the manager to get u up outta there.  You will be tossed like trash, w/ no regard to your safety, remember u can't catch yourself when u hit the hard concrete   b/c u are unconscious!

7. KEEP A KNOCKIN' BUT U CAIN'T COME IN!
Once u get put out the club, DO NOT AT ANY TIME try to gain re-entry into the club.  Now u are just begging for it, AGAIN!.  JUST LEAVE!  But noooooooooo you are going to sit right outside in earshot of the bouncers talkin stuff adding more gas to the fire they already lit under your arse.  
If u dumb enough, drunk enough or both to try to run back into a hornet's nest, then u'll get what u deserve.  Again, the smart money is on u JUST LEAVING!

8. DOORMAN!
OK, most of us dudes have had the unpleasant experience of getting sonned by Doorman.  U know him, that underachiever who is too soft to be a bouncer so he's a bouncer's assistant.  He is the guardian of the club responsible for who gets in and who doesn't.  He uses his position to get on girls b/c him being Doorman, he has no rap game at all.  He doesn't really get play but a chick will let him cop a feel or promise him a date b/c he lets her in for free, of course the date never quite goes down.  So Doorman sees you week in and week out come into his realm w/ broads on your arm or sees you leaving w/ a new chick every week and now he officially becomes one of your haters.  All of a sudden you come to the club and he finds the most minute thing to bar your entry.  Could be your shoes, your shirt, your pants too baggy, even though you seen cats walk in before you w/ shorts on.  So eventually he catches you right and you black out on him, and give him the speech he's heard hundreds of times best illustrated on the movie Knocked Up, the Doorman speech.  You deliver a profanity laced soliloquy, it doesn't hurt Doorman b/c he hears this night in and night out.  Doorman we don't like you and you suck, signed ANY COOL DUDE THAT EVER CAME UPON YOUR WACK BEHIND AT THE CLUB!

You may be pondering how has The Mad Afrikan, a non-violent man by nature has been able to amass all this knowledge on this subject, one, I observe, I talk alot, a whole lot some may say, but I pay attention!  2. I partied ALOT back in the day 3. My cousin Marcus was a bouncer for a few years and he gave me an insider's 411 on the whole bouncing racket, Thanks Bear!  What sparked me to write this was a bumrush and beat down administered by some bouncers this week at an event I went to in Durham.  A Big Dude was asked to show his ID again, he chose not to comply, w/in 20 seconds he was caught up in what we call a yoke, a sleeper hold, the cobra clutch, the million dollar dream, getting punched in and about the face, and he was simply trying to state his case as to why he would not reproduce his ID!

ALL of the problems that ensued that night could have been avoided had the patron followed all the aforementioned rules b/c he broke them all.  Instead the young brother chose to ignore the old adage a good run is better than a bad stand and the bouncers ran their favorite play, "RELEASE DA HOUNDZ!!!!!!!!!!!"  Now these rules by no means only apply to those over six feet in height and two hundred lbs. in weight, however, smaller cats just don't seem to be given the full monte that us Big Dudes collect nightly at the club.  It is never funny when bouncers strong arm steady a dude b/c but for the grace of GOD there go I, or u, your cousin, you daddy (if he's the old man in the club, for shame!)  Just remember the next time one of your peoples start cuttin' up you may or may not be chillin' on the beat down hour, b/c I've yet to meet a bouncer who didn't mind putting a black eye in the game.

FINI

The Mad Afrikan

Chuck D said it best, almost twenty years ago in Welcome to the Terrordome w/ the lyric, "Its a shame when you blame somebody else, when u destroy yourself!" This monolith called black folk have been sold a bad bill of goods in that we have co-opted many of the stereotypes placed upon us until now it seems they are befitting when describing us en masse. I have friends of other ethnicities who ask me weekly why, "Black men wear their (insert clothes, hair, doo rags, etc here) or why black women do this that and the third." Oft times it is a hood trend of which I do not subscribe to in any shape form or fashion and oft times they are left pondering and I myself am perplexed b/c I, as an intelligent, educated black man am baffled at our idiocy.

My friend Raleigh and I were discussing the word ghetto and I'm sure if polled most black folk would say the term originated in the 70's w/ the tv show Good Times, b/c it seemed that JJ had a quota for saying that word at least once per episode. And almost overnight it became a staple in our culture and synonymous w/ black folk. The word actually has zero to do with black people in its origin way back in the 17th century!

Ghetto
Etymology: Italian, from Venetian dial. ghèto island where Jews were forced to live, literally, foundry (located on the island), from ghetàr to cast, from Latin jactare to throw
Date: 1611
1 : a quarter of a city in which Jews were formerly required to live
2 : a quarter of a city in which members of a minority group live especially because of social, legal, or economic pressure

So what does this have to do w/ the topic? I use this word quite often to describe black people and it really is a misnomer when one looks at the word's etymology. Much in the same way the media has hi-jacked the word urban and now it is synonymous with black people, and the word athletic in sports media means either one is black or u r non-black and u play like a black person. My usage of the word ghetto has even become a point of contention b/w my writing partner Angie and I b/c I NEVER use that word in a positive light. I'm going to try to abandon that word completely and use a word that has found its way into our vernacular, HOOD.

PosdNous from De La Soul said it best, "Neighborhoods are now hoods cause nobody's neighbors!" Amen brother, amen. Hood mentality has taken afoot in black society, black high society, black low society and all points in between, w/ no end in sight. Black characitures dominate the rap world, where cooning and buffoonery are making a comeback quicker than Amos N Andy on Blu-Ray Ray (the bootleg, coming to a hood near u!). We are not going to even talk about the black reality shows! I bring this up because these vehicles are the the "fuel" if you will for much of what we are lamenting on this topic.

Rappers get a bunch of funky gold in their mouths and hood boys and girls go and buy a mouth full of tin and now they rocking the hotness (NOT)! Blatant materialsm to be acquired at any cost, pimping women, robbery, drug dealing, scamming, hell its a free market so anything goes and that is the attitude purveyed in our music and media and it permeates the minds of our youth in America, not just black folk.

SIDENOTE:   I know these dudes are not supposed to be role models but what the hell is up w/ these NBA cats and their prison tats?!  I mean some of these cats have a permanent tattoo t-shirt stenciled on their skins b/c they have more ink than skin.  If u look like u r wearing a long sleeve printed tee and u have short sleeves on u prolly went overboard.  It is the classic example of what I call the Mufasa complex that men have.  Its not just black men, it is just expressed in different ways for different cultures.  When one watches National Geographic one can always tell who is the chief or who are the chief rockers in a society b/c they stand out, often w/ some garrish display on their person.  LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, ok I see u, now what?  The whole tattoo thing to me is just another layer of the thug dress code and many of the cats that are deemed to be hoodlums in the NBA are the biggest violators of wearing too much ink.

And now back to our scheduled programming....................

Is the problem that this poison exists, no b/c mankind has had to deal w/ satan, his evil and his minions since mankind started, the problem is that there is nothing b/w the ears of these victims to neutralize the poison that is being pumped into their souls via their ears, eyes and brains. If you are surrounded by ignorance one hundred percent of your life how can anyone expect you to be anything but ignorant? If grown folk always said filth, flarn and flim around you, if you could reel off a successful mo-fo by the time u were 3 years old, if you could successfully cuss out your kindergarten teacher, why should I expect you to KNOW that it is not cool for you to do a cuss show around my wife, daughter, mama, grandma? How could you know? Ignorant is as ignorant does.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Supreme Court Justice once said, "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." This should be taught to every American. Instead of focusing on what you have the right to do this quote really tells you what you cannot do, liiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeee

CUSS LIKE A SAILOR IN PUBLIC around women, old folk and children!
Talk loud or be on your cell phone in a movie theatre.
Touch a woman you don't know in a club.
Cat call at a woman anywhere and call her a b*tch if she doesn't respond to your stupidity.
Blame "the man" for keeping you down when u do all u can in that vein yourself!
Dress garrishly, go to an interview and get mad b/c u don't get hired even though you don't dress the part.
Play loud music w/ vulgar language and subject matter blaring out for ALL of us to hear, I don't want my kid hearing kiss this and lick that and suck my big black stuff and suck it and suck it and suck it thank u very much!
I don't want to see your underwear, man or woman (even if its a thong!)

In short ANYTHING that you do publicy that causes the discomfort of others is a violation of said person's rights, plain and simple.

Ladies and gentlemen introducing Mr. and Mrs. Loud and Wrong.  You know this black person well b/c they are your friends, co-workers and prolly in your family!  This is the black person that screams racism AT ANY and EVERY situation.  Classism is a much larger problem in our society and is oft mistaken for racism.  The current debate in Raleigh schools becoming community schools is a class issue, it just so happens that the majority of the people that support these schools live in neigbhorhoods that are predominately white.  A mere circumstance, now if they don't want their kids going to school w/ people that are poorer than they are, hey what color does that reflect?  GREEN!  It's all about the benjamins baby!

Racism
Date: 1933
1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race
2 : racial prejudice or discrimination

Racism is a system, I repeat it is a system that is controlled by people well above your pay grade and hell even your white friends' pay grades.  Unless said white friend comes from old old money and has access to levels of power that you could not even imagine.  Racism are things like the black codes, and Jim Crow laws, apartheid, colonialism, all systems of oppression based on the ideology of racial superiority and imposing racial inferiority on its victims.

So the question remains, was what happended to you racist?  Be careful how u answer this b/c that word has had ALL of its power taken away in the last decade.  Hell its like black crying wolf when we use that word b/c too many black folk bandied it about when they shouldn't have and now for many white folks it seems that racism is dead.  Let me offer a new word, ask yourself was it prejudiced?


Prejudice
Date: 13th century

1 : injury or damage resulting from some judgment or action of another in disregard of one's rights; especially : detriment to one's legal rights or claims
2 a (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge b : an instance of such judgment or opinion c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics

Ahhh there we have it.  So many of the behaviors humans exhibit towards each other are a prejudice, yes even some of the things that black folk experience from whites and what we do to anybody NOT black, and sometimes even our own.  

So I said all that to say this, the next time you hear someone scream racism analyze their claim and see whether or not that is really the case b/c once u use the R word u prolly gonna lose all the white people in the room b/c if they do not consider themselves racist they will not be able to identify w/ your claim.  Hell even if they do consider themselves to be racist you won't get any sympathy.  Now if you can explain your claim in terms of class or prejudice, that's something that is universal and we can all understand.  Words are powerful so we must choose the ones we use carefully b/c connotation and denotation can be a real B sometimes!  Ya feel me?

One Man's Opinion,
The Mad Afrikan

I Wonder Why

 

1)      Chinese Restaurants never have a drive thru window

2)      Black Women get mad at Black Men who date White Women, instead of just going to find their own man

3)      Alcoholics who are “bums” spend their money on corner store cheap wine instead of buying cheap alcohol from the ABC store for the same price ( Could it be some other ingredient they are putting in the wine)

4)      Fast Food chains have less health inspections than smaller privately owned restaurants. 

5)      People who didn’t pay their taxes are upset about the library cuts

6)      Obama is being blamed for everything that was ever wrong with America.  Just like every other President, he inherited a lot of the current issues

7)      The Federal  and State Govt implements plans to assist convicted criminals and people with flaws on their records with getting a job, yet they won’t hire them

8)      Insurance Companies pay for abortions but they don’t cover medical expenses associated with adoptions

9)      People have convinced themselves that Racism doesn’t exist because we have a Black President

10)   We are the only country that describes ourselves as the color of our skin instead of American unless we are going through a nationwide crisis like a terrorist attack or war. (It’s OKAY to be proud to be American)

11)   Various dance moves come and go but the “cootie roll” always seems to be in style

12)   Stars are glamorized and given lenient sentences when they are caught for various criminal activity yet when regular folks are arrested for the same activity, it is handled in a completely different manner

13)   The amount of people who talk about Politicians and Political Decisions always outnumbers the amount of people who vote

14)   Black people find any reason they can not to support Black Businesses

15)   Churches in America still top the list of segregation destinations

16)   The Catholic Faith doesn’t call out the priests who are pedophiles and condone maximum punishment

17)   Everything older people told me when I was young, it took me getting older too to realize they were right

18)   We expose  our children’s eyes and ears to things way before their minds are able effectively process them

19)   People think Pedophiles can be cured

20)   People think only lower income youth from single parent homes need mentoring.  The fathers from the upper class homes are so busy speaking on the importance of mentoring, their kids are running wild

21)   Everybody gets religion when things go bad but when they are going good, we can’t get an “Amen”

22)   We love to talk about things in theory yet find excuses when it is time to practice what we preach

23)   We feel that America is a melting pot when we should treat it as a salad bowl

24)   I had so many people “praying for me” last summer when I was looking for work yet none of them asked me for my resume

25)   We can’t take a joke. It is still taboo to say many things about ourselves or others without being frowned upon as “politically incorrect”

26)   People have been shown the biological impact of DNA and sexuality yet still think people “choose” to be gay

27)   I still get followed and borderline harassed when I go to SouthPark

28)   He’s the greatest dancer ( Hah had to throw in a song reference to see if u were still with me)

29)   We blame others for what is wrong in our lives when we need to take charge and make a difference

30)   Our Lady of Consolation hasn’t been reopened

31)   We complain and stress about our situation instead of finding purpose and meaning in our situation

32)   Success in gauged in dollars and not in accomplishments

33)   People still search for the mythical  “easy way out”

34)   The holes in the Michael Jackson molestation charges didn’t surface until after his death

35)   People act like they know celebrities they have never met

36)   People tell me I am tall so I can “carry my weight”

37)   I worked in corporate American for 11 years with full benefits and got pregnant 10 days after I resigned

38)   The people who get the largest bonuses do the smallest amount of work

39)   My family wasn’t able to work things out so my father’s legacy could live on

40)   People still believe in “coincidence” and “luck”

41)   People love to tell stories about guardian angels and good spirits yet look at you like you are nuts when you talk about demonic existence

42)   People forget that God cast Satan to Earth, not to Hell. When God asked Satan where he had been, he clearly advised that he had been walking to and fro on Earth

43)   People don’t handle large churches like a corporation. They need auditing and compliance

44)   Even as adults, we use the term “friend” too loosely

45)   We call it various things, but at the end of the day, a lot of us are “haters”

46)   Singers have to spell out each sexual act when older songs could get you excited with just a reference

47)   “potential” is often confused  with “waste of space”

48)   We say “the grass is greener” all of the time, yet keep jumping from yard to yard

49)   We let television supervise our children

50)   We ignore the things we need to see the most

 

It is amazing how I could have written this piece 30 years ago for a 6^th grade project and, although not as detailed, would contain the same basic information.  That is extremely unfortunate and says a lot about Black folks and our lack of progress.  So many people look at Obama and see that we have come a long way.  And I totally agree.  What a great day it was when he was inaugurated.  It brought on so many emotions that I certainly did not expect.  I have never cried when the announcement of who had won the election occurred but this time I couldn’t hold back the tears.  Not only was he President, but a sistah was now the First Lady.  I would not have even imagined that as a child and now, my children will grow up knowing that it truly is possible.  However, Obama shows how much we have grown as a nation in our ability to look past color and see the value and benefit in the person and their inner strengths and abilities.  What it does not reflect is Black folks growth as a race and as an economic force in this country.  Believe me, I know that still exists and is sometimes the determining factor in part of our fate.  Racism is deeply rooted in our history and unfortunately continues to manifest itself today.  The worst way that it rears its ugly head is by pointing at one person who has come up from the ashes and achieved success and using them to justify bashing everyone else who wasn’t able to make it.  I can go on about racism for hours and pages but that is not what this is about.  We as a people use racism as an excuse as well.  We play into the stereotypes and use the fact that others are racist to justify our inability or disinterest in being successful.  We talk about how White folks treat us and then live our lives being the very person we are accusing them of disliking. 

I give credit when credit is due.  Society in general has shown numerous signs that it is able to look past race and take people for who they are.  At least this has happened in the entertainment and sports industries.  There was a day when a performer with numerous tattoos, locs, pants sagging to the floor, several drug busts, a mouth full of gold teeth and rapping about loving the ghetto would have not even made it to a studio without police being called and SWAT teams coming out with water hoses and dogs.  However, the music industry has grown leaps and bounds and can no longer be separated by the color of the artist.  Black folks are no longer limited to topping the R&B charts and there have been plenty of white folks on the Hip Hop charts. 

The point I am making is that we do see that opportunity is there.  So we should take advantage of every opportunity that we have so when something does go awry, it is very clear that it is due to racism, sexism, stereotyping, or some other form of grouping folks together and forming an unwarranted opinion of them.  Believe me, there are enough people in our society today who are racist and biased that it will still show up when we aim to achieve.  And that is what we should still be doing, AIMING TO ACHIEVE. 

What in the world prompts this piece of work?  Well let me tell you what put this on my mind.  I live in what is termed a “transitional neighborhood.”  It is currently a blend of recent residents who are mostly middle to upper class young white collar professionals and long term residents who are mostly lower to middle class blue collar or jobless black folks.  Basically it is Good Times meets Family Ties.  And I love it! It allows me to utilize and appreciate the fact that I can relate in many ways to a lot of people.  It also shows that it takes more than race or economic level for me to get along with you. 

Some folks over here are just trifling.  It angers me to have people in our neighborhood who welcome the opportunity to meet and hang out with new neighbors.  I was at the corner store a few days ago.  (side note: for those of you who are ghetto challenged, every hood has a corner store. And it always sells pickles, hot sausages, pickled pigs feet, and peach sodas) There was a young white lady who had just pulled up to the store.  She looked to be in her early 20’s and considering the time and her dress, I can easily assume she had just gotten off from her job in the corporate arena.  There were 4 young black males at the front of the store who looked like they were in their late teens or early 20’s.  As she left her car and went to pay for her gas, they immediately surrounded her and started making remarks to her saying she was “sexy” and “could they get her number.”  She clearly did not want to be bothered.  Who can blame her?  Loitering in front of the corner store looking as if you don’t have a job is not the most attractive way to present yourself.  When she continued to walk past them, they were clearly upset that they had been ignored.  So then came the name calling.  Now the sexy white girl was a “cracker” and “they didn’t like fu ((*#& white girls anyway.”  She was so upset that one of the managers had to walk her back to her car.  At that point they called the store manager a terrorist and laughed as they walked away. I was infuriated.  Let’s look at this picture.  Here we have a girl who is trying to buy gas as she is getting off of WORK. Then we have a store manager who is clearly at WORK. Then we have you who are quick to call others names as if that is okay because you didn’t get the response that you wanted.  How crazy is that? 

I personally believe that name calling and racist remarks stem from one’s ridiculous need to feel superior to other people.  It is often triggered by situations that make one feel inferior or jealous.  And most importantly, time spent on racism could be time spent improving your own situation. 

 

Now back to Black folks and how we are our own worst enemy.  Our young Black youth are clearly lost.  This did not happen by accident.  Their situation comes from a generation of people who chose to simulate the lifestyles of others or repeat mistakes made by their parents.  Either way, we have fallen victim to ourselves. 

The Black family has not progressed.  And the cycle of life should be about each generation being better than the previous one.  Nature has got it right.  Over time, animals and people have either developed or shed internal and external body parts in order to adapt to change.  If our bodies can do this, our minds should do so as well.  If your grandparents made it through high school, then your parents should make it to college.  If your parents made it to college, then aim for your master’s degree.  College is not for everyone so this same theory can be used for success in business.  We have got to progress and improve our situation each generation to become a better and stronger people.  Yet we are still fighting the battles of single parent families, black on black crime, and other things that we have brought upon ourselves.  We then use history to justify ridiculous behavior.  While in college (I have a minor in African American Studies), we were given information that traced the roots of Black men not standing by Black Women back to slavery.  The reason that was given was because the Black man had no control over his family.  The White slave master could come at anytime and sell his children, rape his wife, beat him, and anything else to show that he was in charge.  The entire family was property.  So from this, Black men were able to detach themselves from their family to minimize that loss.  Now I definitely see this as a reasonable explanation for Black men who had previously been slaves.  But this makes no sense to me when discussing Black men of today.  Are we really that far behind that we are still using slavery to justify our behavior? Slavery can justify many things.  It definitely impacted our starting point.  It impacted our economic level, our legal system, and its extended impact of racism still exists today.  But to let slavery explain your own behavior is inexcusable. 

I still see some of the loudest mouths who are busy blaming White folks for their problems acting as if they were slaves.  Why wait for a judge to tell you to support your child? Why wait for mandatory drug testing for you stop smoking weed? Why get to work on time but when you have something to do for yourself, you are late?  Over and over again looking for an authority figure to regulate basic behavior. 

We live our lives in a way that requires intervention from authority figures yet we don’t instill respect in our children.  I know literally at least 10 times a year I have to ask a young Black person to please stop cursing so loud as I am outside with my small children.  Did I curse as a young adult? Of course I did.  However, I never once walked comfortably down my street cursing away in front of children, neighbors, grandmothers and whoever.  And when it happens, it seems as if I am the only person who is offended and speaks out. 

Believe me, I know this does not apply to everyone.  A lot of progress has occurred.  But we have to look at ourselves as a whole, not point to the minority who have “come up” and use this as the gauge.  We have such a long way to go.  And maybe it starts with not harassing a White person at the corner store!

 

Why I Can’t Take You Seriously

 

I know that there are times in my daily life that call for me to put on a hat, play a role, or basically just “fake it.”  I have become a pro at smiling and nodding when my mind is actually somewhere else.  However, the hardest times are when people are trying to actually make me believe something that I KNOW is just ridiculous.  You may be truly convinced of what you are saying, but I can’t take you serious because

1)      You are talking just to get a response.  You are looking for what I have coined the “Caesar Crowd Response.”  You want a round of applause for the garbage you are feeding to the people who are listening.  Recently, a close friend of mine went to hear an executive level bank employee speak on technology today.  Coincidently, I worked as a Business Systems Analyst at the same bank for over 11 years.  My friend came back from the speech filled with quotes and information that he felt armed him with a good picture of how major industries see our youth today.  I will refer to the speaker as “Fakexecutive.”  Fakexecutive proceeds to give an example of the state of our youth.  He challenges the crowd to give him a young adult with a degree in programming and he has a great job for him.  He then wants society to give him a young adult with an associates degree in liberal arts.  He has a job for that person too. He does clarify that it will not be the paycheck of the programmer but it will be a great job with good pay.  Finally, he challenges the crowd to give him a young adult who is fluent in the areas of social networking.  A person who is good at Twittering and Facebooking and he will show them the door.  Of course this rousing moment was met with applause and cheers.  And this response was probably from people who are not utilizing any of these networks on a regular basis.  All I could do was just look at the person who was telling me this.  He was truly convinced now that he had a qualifier for his lack of knowledge in social networking.  I can’t take you serious! Are you nuts? First of all, you took all of the programming jobs in my old department and moved them to India.  Are you going to give this young person with a technology degree a passport too?  Secondly, you are laying off every other year.  I would hope that this young person with the liberal arts degree is working on their plan B anticipating your lack of appreciation for the hard work that he/she puts in.  And most importantly, the bank that you work for has multiple official Facebook and Twitter pages for various departments.  So while you were out speaking, someone hired the dude who knew the ins and out of network marketing. 

2)      You are looking for personal gain.  I see you at all of the political events, social events for various demographics, and the basic events that would get you into Charlotte’s who’s who.  You definitely participate in charitable functions.  You encourage others to do the same.  Meanwhile, the areas that need the most attention are not there.  What is your true purpose again?  I hate when people just don’t come out with it.  True humanitarians don’t look for the spotlight; they look for the blessing from God.  If it brings attention and notoriety then that is a good side effect.  A few years back, my mother needed a handicap ramp at our home because she was no longer able to get down the front steps.  I was checking around getting estimates when I received a phone call from members of Hickory Grove Baptist Church, which neither she nor I have ever attended. The lady informed me that she was given my mother’s name from the CAP representative and knew that she needed a ramp.  Part of their service at that church is to assist the elderly.  Not just their members, but the elderly in the overall Charlotte Mecklenburg community.  I was floored.  A group of about 6 people came out here and build a ramp at the front of our home.  Not just a diagonal piece over our stairs.  I am talking about a full ramp from the porch to the sidewalk.  The charge? Absolutely nothing.  Of course I gave them a donation to their church but I can assure you my donation was not what it would have cost me to get a contractor to build a ramp.  And for those of you who are in the contracting industry, yes it is built to code.  Now this is true service.  There was not an article in the paper about my mom’s ramp, nor was there a ribbon cutting in our front yard attended by the Mayor.  But God was there and I am sure he is speaking at their awards ceremony.  If you are looking for exposure, then do just that.  Just let people know that you want to attend to be a vessel for others to serve.  That is a good way of saying; I just want to be here for exposure.  I have accepted that with this world and all of its titles come requirements.  And some of those requirements involve attendance and participation in events, social clubs, and activities that are mandatory if you want to achieve personal gain.  We have put so many other stipulations on people in order for them to excel at what they do best.  However, don’t try to convince me that you are not wearing the mask.  Just put it on and wink your eye at me through the peephole.  It’s all good.  I can assure you that convincing me of your compassionate spirit isn’t going to fly.  I know that on any given day when you are speeding through town to get to a humanitarian event where you are going to give $50.00 and a speech, you are driving past homeless people, a homeless shelter, housing projects, and schools with a high percentage of impoverished children.  But these are the people who are not big voters; these are not the people who spread the word about your hard work. These are not the people who just so happen to have a video camera to tape their encounter with you.  Again I say, just wink at me from under the mast, it’s all good.

3)      You are a hypocrite.  Why do you attend church again?  So everyone knows that you are there?  So you probably attend one of the area mega churches and give a good bit in tithes and offerings.  However, how have you worked in the church?  People tell me all of the time how they went to church and got such a wonderful word to get them through the week.  They tell me that it was like the minister was talking to them directly.  What about the Sunday when he was talking about helping people and working in the church to help it to build and grow and spread the word of God?  What about the Sunday he talked about being an example to others?  What about the Sunday he talked about the church not being just within the walls but being out there in the community spreading the word of God?  He was talking about you then too? It was like the minister was talking to you directly on those Sundays as well.  We love to treat church as if we are a customer.  It is like a bank.  We go and put our money into the church and expect good service.  The only difference is we get word back instead of money.  We go to church with mental withdrawal slips and only submit one to the minister when it is a word that doesn’t require work.  We should look at ourselves not as a customer, but as an employee.  We should work hard for God all week and then go to church to collect our paycheck.  Getting a paycheck is a lot different than making a withdrawal.  There is no decision making on when or how much to get paid.  It’s coming every Sunday.  So every message is meant for you.  And our tithes are our taxes, not our deposits. 

4)      You are an idiot. I think I am one of the most politically tolerant people.  That is because I truly appreciate the fact that I live in a country where I can have a political opinion.  We are not going to agree on everything.  You can watch any good high school debate and see that both sides of a topic can have great points.  A great debater really can argue any side of an issue as they are not speaking on what they actually believe, but on what supports the point.  If you give me an opinion different than mine that is based on logic, I can respect that.  However, please do not come to me with political points that have absolutely no basis.  This healthcare issue is a huge example.  I turned on the television and actually saw people screaming in the streets upset over the healthcare bill.  Signs reflected the point that the government needs to stay out of our business and people do not want to pay for the healthcare of others.  All I could do was just shake my head.  Can someone please provide me with a valid reason this bill should not go through that is not based on ignorance, lack of compassion, and the real stats?  The ignorance is the fact that people have actually convinced themselves that everyone in America has equal opportunity.  This is simply not true.  Everyone has a unique starting point.  From birth, there are factors that impact your success that you have no control over.  The financial status of your family, the inclusion or lack of two parents in your life, the level in which your parent(s) are able to or are willing to  participate in your education, the level in which your parent(s) are able to or are willing to participate in your moral training, the positive or negative role that your siblings, grandparents and other close family members play in your life, your accessibility to items that enhance and expand your level of learning, and the list goes on for days.  Life experience is as unique as DNA strands.  Even if two people grow up in a neighborhood next door to each other, attend the same school, play the same sports, and are in the same classes, their view on life as well as their opportunity can still be increased or reduced based on additional factors.  Once people realize that everyone is not on the same playing field, they will actually figure out that everyone who is unemployed, homeless, or just plain broke is not there because they are lazy and don’t want to work.  All homeless people are not alcoholics and drug addicts.  Not everyone chooses to live in low income housing.  Not everyone Black person that passes you in the mall is about to steal your purse. What I hate the most is when people point to one person who rose from a bad situation to be successful and tries to make them either the example everyone needs to follow, or uses them as the example that all things are possible.  I believe if that sunk in with everyone, they would understand that there are good hard working people out here who cannot afford healthcare.  There are people out here who work all of their lives and end up capping their insurance due to a serious illness.  It is not the government’s fault that the insurance companies decided to put impossible rules and stipulations on healthcare coverage.  Or make it so expensive that not only can the lower income or jobless person not afford it; they also drove up the price of medical procedures and prescriptions so it is virtually impossible to pay for them out of pocket.  Oh wait, did I turn this into a healthcare rant? It is just way too easy for me to use any subject as an intro to discuss healthcare.  The point in all of this is that some people take an opposing side just to be opposing.  A lot of people get caught up in hating a political party or candidate and migrate to any bandwagon that can be used as a form of dissention. A lot of people don’t like their own situation so they find dumb reasons to justify why their situation is the result of other people getting favors.  Way too many people get to a certain financial status and feel like anyone else who worked as hard as they did could get there too.  Please do not misinterpret my words.  I do not believe in excuses and not working hard.  I do fully appreciate and respect people who have come from hard times to good times and I know that their story is a good source of inspiration for others.  But I am just not fooled that everyone who works hard is going to get the same result.  And the bottom line is that some people just do not want to be inconvenienced.  If you are trying to argue a point with me and it is actually based on the fact that you personally do not want to be impacted, then call it for what it is.

Wow, I didn’t realize I had all of that in me.  I guess there is just so much that I can’t and won’t take seriously.  I also can’t take you seriously if

1)      You try to use “cool” and “in” language just to get a point across when you actually sound like an old fool

2)      Your pants are hanging off of your hips and the topic of our conversation is first impressions

3)      You are supporting healthcare reform but you are currently insured yet never go to the doctor

4)      You are over 30 and still lingering around the club at closing time to see if you can holla at the drunk girl
5) You go out and talk to others about mentoring kids but the entire time you are out mentoring, your children are home alone on myspace, twitter and facebook

1. Mr. Jheri Curl Man
As sung to the tune of New Edition's Mr. Telephone Man.  "Mr. Jheri Curl Man, there's something wrong wit yo hair, black men should do better and get dat mess out yo hair!"  Black people we must abolish the curl, in general, but especially in our male species.  If you have a male holdin' on to his curl like the LTD song, remember the most poignant line in the song is, "Holdin' on, is very hard to do when the love is gone, and that's no lie."  Well you should be singin to them, "Holdin on, to that damn curl is bad, cause the 80's gone, and that's no liiiiiiieeeeeeee!" 

Now I know u r asking, pray tell what is The Mad Afrikan ranting about now?  Well here in the Raleigh/Durham area we have a local civic leader who is oft on the local news sporting a scurvy curl and that's not his only crime, can u say BABY HAIR?!  Like Tracey Morgan said once in a bad movie, "You know why they call it baby hair?, b/c its for babies!"  Exactly Tracey, exactly!  So we have two hair faux pas read: crimes against the black state being committed by dude.  I want to take him seriously, seriously I do, but I can't get past the JC or the BH, try as I might , it just ain't happening.  The words, they come out intelligent enough, he seems to be an intelligent man but once I see all that baby haired curl juice, its a rap! 

On a national level, we have brothers out here rockin perms.  If u not Michael Jackson (r.i.p), Prince, or Morris  you need to remove, get rid of, 86, put the kibosh on, dead it, cease and desist, don't do it , don't do it, (insert whatever you need to here to take that accursed process out of your wig!)  You look like a pimp, and even though somehow they have become heroes, which they are not, do you think black folk can take you seriously when you can't even sing?  Hank Ballard made a song that's still relevant today, this song came out in the sixties, "How you gonna get respect, when you haven't cut your process yet?"  More poignant words were never spoken in regard to you shaving hour conk off, for good!

White folk laughing at you, black folk embarrassed by you all because of your indignant refusal to let that ridiculous hair don't go!  Its the 21st century black cave man, get rid of it.  Black people its not their fault, its ours.  We eat Sunday dinner w/ them.  Go to church w/ them. Get laughed at by other people when we are seen in public with them and yet we continue to let them misrepresent our family and our race w/ these noback hairdos b/c they don't deserve to EVER be throwbacks or come backs, they should not be applauded, they should be maligned at every turn.  We need to pick at these caricatures until they stop once and for all w/ the slimy slimeys and they Ultra permz.

2. Ricky Martin
This was two things, 1. NOT A SHOCK TO ANYONE ALIVE ON PLANET EARTH WHO STILL KNOWS WHO LA VIDA LOCO IS, and 2. Irrelevant beyond belief.  Man u had your 15 minutes, now we just want Jay-No to go away just like you did.  She can't act and she can't sing, just fade to black and peace b with you.

3. Teabaggers
I love it when closet racists and classists think it is safe to come out of their anal cavities and spew hatred en masse.  There is an insane racist fringe in this country, the whole, "THEY'RE STEALING DA WHITE MAN'S AMERICA!"  What you dumb asses don't realize or refuse to acknowledge is that you have to get mad at other white people, your anger is directed at the wrong folk.  Look at the racial makeup of the Congress and the House since, well, since the 20th century.  White men have dominated the ranks of both these unhallowed halls of injustice and it is your white brethren who have allowed all the jobs to be sold over seas.  It is your white brethren who relax the tax laws so that businesses can come to your state and eventually to your home town, pay you minimum wage and not contribute to the tax base of your town at all.  So u can make a few more trips to WalMart but not too many.  It is your white brethren who allowed rampant illegal immigration via the law and turning their heads to make way for the top 4% to fill their coffers.  CAPITALISM, root word capital as in capitalize, dumb asses.  And finally b/c you don't deserve any more of my brain power, you can blame a whole mess of good white folk for electing the first black president.  Yes, many of your white brothers and sisters were so fed up w/ the last white dude that they went totally off the reservation and picked a dark horse, pun intended.  You are wasting your time, the Congress and House are still majority white, so whilst you think you are out in D.C. spewing your hatred that you are screaming against a black President, elected for the white people, of the white people and by the white people.  Your countrymen were the only ones who could have pulled that off so my suggestion, pull your skin off and go crazy off camera, or move to Colorodo or some other cold place where you will see the temperature in single digits as well as the number of black folk you may bump into.

4. THE DEMOCRATS AND THE REPUBLICANS

I'll K.I.S.S.  The truth is never something that you have to be convinced of, 9 times out of 10.  It seems our buddies the Dems and the Reps take turns duping the nation and as a collective we are dumb enough to buy what they sell year end and year out.  The Dems are doing what they always do, they get control and go softer than wet baby powder.  The Republicans take full advantage by promoting their ineptitude and weakness and after a few years they come through like gang busters and seize the reins of power once again except they go for 8-12 year stints.  The problem now is that the pool of candidates is so weak, I mean seriously Palin shouldn't be allowed to serioiusly consider a run for Dog Catcher and yet she was a friggin Vice Presidential candidate.  Wow.

I know I'm not finished w/ this topic by no means but I am a widdle sweepy and need some sleep for work tomorrow.  I look forward to the day when work will be getting up and sharing my thoughts w/ the world.

Goodnight,

The Mad Afrikan

5 things I did not like about the CIAA

 

Although I had a great time during the yearly CIAA tournament, there is always someone or something trying to damper the mood.  Below is a list of 5 things I did not like about the tournament. Enjoy!

 

 

1)      The Drunk girl at the V101.9 Day Party on Friday

 

Okay, a lot of us have had our tipsy day but this was ridiculous.  Here is the lowdown.  I arrived at Suite on Friday for the V Day Party. I immediately notice   girl drunk out of her mind and fast asleep sitting in the corner alone.  (from this point on she will be referred to as “Drunkie”).  I thought to myself “Wow, it is only 4pm, they must be having a ball in there.”  I did not think about Drunkie anymore until I had to go outside to make sure that my friend and partner Scotty was able to get into the party.  He thinks he is VIP everywhere he goes so I had to make sure he was able to get in without paying (HAH!).  When I passed her this time, she had moved from the chair in the corner to basically slumped over in the floor.  I saw that she was breathing so I just kept it moving.  After about an hour or so of partying, the music was turned down and they announced a name and asked them to come to the front immediately.  I was already in the VIP section behind the DJ booth so I immediately found out that they were trying to get someone to get the drunken girl out of there.  Within 5 minutes, another party stopping announcement was made.  Only this time they were giving another name.  I realized immediately either they cannot understand her or she has forgotten the name of who she had come with.  This went an additional 2 times, each time with an addition of a new name similar to the last ones.  On the fifth time, the music was actually stopped.  Chirl Girl took over the mic and literally made everyone look beside them and figure out the person that was needed.  And added to the announcement was the fact that the person they were looking for was the mother of Drunkie in the corner.  Yes you just read that correctly.  Someone had come do a day party with their mama and was passed out drunk in the corner.  Within a few minutes, security is moving me aside to escort someone out. She was mad as h(## and it appeared as if they were holding her back from fighting.  The only words that she repeated as she left were “I am gonna beat her a#%.”  Granted, this may seem funny, but it was ridiculous.  I don’t know if I was mad at her or at the party throwers for the continous stops.  It seemed as though every time the party was back to full blast, the announcement served as an interruption.  I remember partying in New York a few years back with some friends of mine and my girlfriend was in that same condition.  It was New Years Eve.  Security made me take her to the bathroom to get herself together.  Then, after she was taking up a stall, they advised me that she had to leave.  Not only did she have to leave, she had to be able to walk out or they were going to call the police.  We literally had to hold her up and get her out of there.  I think we all have had an embarrassing moment.  But the difference here is that she was not the problem of the party goer, she was our problem.  Her drunkenness did not serve as a party stopping event.  I was with her just like the mom was with her daughter.  However, I did not feel the need to announce that I was about to fight her outside.  I just made sure she was safe and that we got her home.  There is always going to be a Drunkie at the party, it may even be you or me.  So I am officially making some rules.

 

Official Rules For Being Or Accompanying A Drunkie

 

1)      Please go to the party with someone who has your back.  Make sure that you check on the person that you attend the party with at least every 30 minutes. 

2)      Write down the name of the person you are attending the party with.  Write it in a permanent marker on your hand.  Be careful not to write it on the inside of your hand as it may get faded if you use your hand to cover your mouth for reasons I won’t go into.

3)      If you can make it to the corner, do your best to make it to the door.  Small gestures like these can be the difference in a compassionate crowd and a blood thirsty crowd. 

4)      Carry a big black scarf to hide your face.  It will save you from risking everyone recognizing you as the official party stopper of the day. 

5)      Threaten the Drunkie as needed. If the Drunkie is starting to show a pattern, threats are in order.  However, threaten the Drunkie before you leave home to attend the party. Threats are technically illegal and you don’t need 500 people testifying that they heard you screaming “Ima beat her a$$” as you were being escorted out. 

 

 

2)      Parking Downtown

 

Can you say “hot mess?”  Parking was crazy.  The police were shutting down streets, lots……it was crazy. It was as if they were preparing for a round of violence.  I must say that the CIAA tournament is one of the largest annual events held in the city that has little to zero incidents of any criminal activity.  I know of no actual reported crimes reported which is amazing considering the number of people and events that are here during that time.  It is interesting how the news will jump on the report of a club shooting or violent incident yet you here nothing about peaceful gatherings in the city.  The epicenter taking center stage in Charlotte only added to the traffic woes as everyone was trying to be in the heart of center city. Next year, I am going to check the bus and light rail system schedules so I don’t have to deal with the parking drama. 

 

 

3)      CI

 

This year, a memo went out advising promoters and nightclub owners not to use the term “CIAA” as that is the official name for that Conference.  I believe the only club that was able to use the name was club 935 as they had the rights to the “Official CIAA Parties.”  This caused everyone (and their grandmamma) to use “CI” instead of ‘CIAA”. Normally, we shorten names when we are familiar with someone.  Angie replaces Angela, Bob replaces Robert and so on .  I am curious as to why everyone felt so familiar and comfortable with the CIAA to shorten their name?  If people are already in Charlotte during the week that the tournament is held, why is it necessary to use any reference to the conference?  I don’t think the use of “CI” is going to make any more people come to your event.  Most of the events are geared towards Black people during that week as the CIAA is an HBCU conference.  The CIAA has a great history athletically as well as educationally.  As Black people, can we respect that greatness and that symbol of achievement for our people and leave their name alone?  I think you can pull off a party that weekend without calling it ‘CI” “TI” “Me Oh My” or whatever. Just promote your party and have confidence in your ability to bring out the masses.

 

 

4)      Greedy Nightclubs and Restaurants

 

 

Okay maybe it is the promoter in me but I hate a greedy nightclub owner.  They hike up rentals astronomically which requires the promoters to charge a fortune just trying to make their money back.  They require bar guarantees but do not offer kick back when you supersede the required amount.  They stand over your door counting your money in preparation for jacking up their prices the following year.  Drink prices are ballooned.  Well let me take a step back on that one.  It is already a known fact that Charlotte nightclubs take drink prices up on any night that they are having an urban based event because they know Black folks are crazy enough to pay for it.  It blows my mind.  You can go to a party spot on any other night and it is no cover charge along with 1 2 3 drink specials.  Then, you can go back when it is rented out or catering to an urban crowd and Hennessey has gone from $6.00 to $8.00. For the CIAA you can expect $10.  Nightclub and restaurant owners, especially the ones uptown make a small fortune during the week of the CIAA Tournament.  I wonder if any of them are giving back any portions to the CIAA Tournament or to any HBCU’s?

 

 

 

5)      Fake Folks

 

 

I will have to intentionally shorten this piece because I could write all day.  This one goes out to the folks in my age group.  We are all grown folk.  “Keeping It Real” should be a lifestyle by now because we have been through all of the teen drama, 20’s experiences, and 30’s growth.  Most of us have been to college, had a few jobs, attended more than one church, been involved in the community, and the list goes on.  So if you see me and don’t quite remember where u know me from, it is okay to ask me.  Y’all know I keep it real.  I will ask you in a heartbeat, “what is your name? “where do I know you from?” I hope no one is taking offense.  Interpret me asking you for the reminder as me actually wanting to know.  I do recognize you but it could have been from so many places.  I appreciate you remembering me! So I want you to remind me instead of walking away and I am left trying to think of or not caring about what your name is or where we have crossed paths.  I saw so many dumbfounded looks on the faces of folks who were pretending to know people, it was ridiculous.  Just ask please!!!